So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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