I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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