Soap is not a condiment
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
