Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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