OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
