i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
