My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
