how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
two words...techno handjob
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
