I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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