He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
