This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
