saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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