My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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