oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
