Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
