That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
