I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
