I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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