You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
