Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
