but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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