somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
