WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
