soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
