We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
