Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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