mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
