It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're a waste of cheezeits
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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