Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize