girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
