Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
