I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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