my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
