How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize