I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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