Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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