the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
