feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
