no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
