I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
