one might say we're banned from that church
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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