i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
