Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
