Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
