On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize