Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
