do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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