I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
