Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Randomize
