This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
