I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
