I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
