I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
