i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
