Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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