Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
