I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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