If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
