white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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