Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize