dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
