Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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