the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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