The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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