I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize