I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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