Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
