I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
