I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
