Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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