i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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