my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
