he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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