TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
